From wedding ceremonies to bible studies to sermons and even coffee time conversations, talk of marriage a metaphor is on most people's tongues. Marriage has typically been lifted up as the ideal through the theological undergirding of marriage being the best way in which we can understand and see the expression of the Divine. Marriage is ONE of the metaphors used in the Hebrew Scriptures to express God's relationship with the people who identify as the sons and daughters of Israel, and is ONE way the New Testament expresses Christ's relationship with the Church.
And I get it, I do. The idea of two persons connected as vulnerably as two married persons are supposed to be - financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and socially - can be beautiful, and as a metaphor can be helpful in working towards being financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially vulnerable to God. But relying on a marriage metaphor alone is woefully insufficient. I say this not because of ways in which marriages unweave themselves but because of the mystery of God is such that our language is not enough. The mystery of God is properly unimaginable, and by utilizing the depths of our human experiences and languages we end up re-iterating how mortal we are and how divine God is.
But how are we to utilize singleness as metaphor to a relationship? By realizing that a single person is not without relationships.
Though I am unmarried, I am still a friend, a mentor, a mentee, a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter. With or without a ring on it, I am still a neighbor and a co-worker. I might even be dating or have a lover of some form. Being without a partner does not mean I am alone. And because I am a part of all these relationships I have wider exposure to the different types of love possible. Yet some would argue that most of these relationships are not binding in the same degree that a marriage relationship can be. For example: friendship. Friendships are enjoyable and hard. They take work and time and effort. I enjoy building them (or trying to) but even if we put in years towards a friendship, my friends can leave (with considerably less consequences than if it was a marriage).And yet sometimes, they chose to stay. They stay with me even through my panic attacks and my depression. They stay with me when I finally let them know just how not strong I am. They stay, and I am reminded I am loved. And because they stay, sometimes I stay.
And the action of staying - of God chosing to stay - that for me is a powerful metaphor to understanding God's love for us. When the LORD God was leading the people of Israel through the wilderness, God could have left them and picked another nation. Yet, God stayed with them.
When humankind was lost in our sinful disobedience, God could have left us and yet God came and dwelt among us. God stayed with us. And when Jesus was praying on the night of his arrest, as his friends fell asleep, as he wrestled with pain and frustration and fear, he could have taken the cup from himself. And yet, Jesus stayed to bear my sins on the cross. God doesn't have to stay with us and yet God does. Even in our darkest and most pain-filled moments God is with us - Emmanuel.
[I want to emphasis that this metaphor of staying is meant to understand GOD and it does not mean that if we are in a harmful relationship that we are to stay. Whether it be a friendship, a family relationship, or with a lover, you are not called to stay when you are not safe and are not being loved. As theologically intriguing as staying is, leaving is also theologically charged as well and important.]
If we as a church body want to truly work towards deeper understanding of what God is up to in the world, then we need to not limit ourselves through our metaphors, regardless of how limiting our languages are to begin with. For singleness is beautiful and sacred, and it would be nothing but beneficial to the Church and especially to single women within the Church if we began treating singleness as such.
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