Singleness as a Metaphor for God

It never crossed my mind to keep a running tally throughout my life on how often marriage has been used as a metaphor for our relationship with God.  I'm sure if I did I would either have an astronomical number, or would have lost count.  Most likely the latter.


From wedding ceremonies to bible studies to sermons and even coffee time conversations, talk of marriage a metaphor is on most people's tongues.  Marriage has typically been lifted up as the ideal through the theological undergirding of marriage being the best way in which we can understand and see the expression of the Divine.  Marriage is ONE of the metaphors used in the Hebrew Scriptures to express God's relationship with the people who identify as the sons and daughters of Israel, and is ONE way the New Testament expresses Christ's relationship with the Church.

And I get it, I do.  The idea of two persons connected as vulnerably as two married persons are supposed to be - financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and socially - can be beautiful, and as a metaphor can be helpful in working towards being financially, physically, emotionally, spiritually and socially vulnerable to God.  But relying on a marriage metaphor alone is woefully insufficient. I say this not because of ways in which marriages unweave themselves but because of the mystery of God is such that our language is not enough.  The mystery of God is properly unimaginable, and by utilizing the depths of our human experiences and languages we end up re-iterating how mortal we are and how divine God is.


But how are we to utilize singleness as metaphor to a relationship?  By realizing that a single person is not without relationships.

Though I am unmarried, I am still a friend, a mentor, a mentee, a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter.  With or without a ring on it, I am still a neighbor and a co-worker.  I might even be dating or have a lover of some form.  Being without a partner does not mean I am alone.  And because I am a part of all these relationships I have wider exposure to the different types of love possible.  Yet some would argue that most of these relationships are not binding in the same degree that a marriage relationship can be.  For example: friendship.  Friendships are enjoyable and hard.  They take work and time and effort.  I enjoy building them (or trying to) but even if we put in years towards a friendship, my friends can leave (with considerably less consequences than if it was a marriage).And yet sometimes, they chose to stay.  They stay with me even through my panic attacks and my depression.  They stay with me when I finally let them know just how not strong I am. They stay, and I am reminded I am loved.  And because they stay, sometimes I stay.

And the action of staying - of God chosing to stay -  that for me is a powerful metaphor to understanding God's love for us.  When the LORD God was leading the people of Israel through the wilderness, God could have left them and picked another nation. Yet, God stayed with them.


When humankind was lost in our sinful disobedience, God could have left us and yet God came and dwelt among us.  God stayed with us.  And when Jesus was praying on the night of his arrest, as his friends fell asleep, as he wrestled with pain and frustration and fear, he could have taken the cup from himself.  And yet, Jesus stayed to bear my sins on the cross.  God doesn't have to stay with us and yet God does.  Even in our darkest and most pain-filled moments God is with us - Emmanuel.


[I want to emphasis that this metaphor of staying is meant to understand GOD and it does not mean that if we are in a harmful relationship that we are to stay.  Whether it be a friendship, a family relationship, or with a lover, you are not called to stay when you are not safe and are not being loved.  As theologically intriguing as staying is, leaving is also theologically charged as well and important.]


If we as a church body want to truly work towards deeper understanding of what God is up to in the world, then we need to not limit ourselves through our metaphors, regardless of how limiting our languages are to begin with.  For singleness is beautiful and sacred, and it would be nothing but beneficial to the Church and especially to single women within the Church if we began treating singleness as such.

Single Woman Speaking: An Introduction

Every story has a beginning.  Open the pages of the most boring of all text books and there we are confronted with a specifically designated space providing a semblance of beginnings for the reader, who sits at the ready to consume all of her words, to better comprehend the complexities of final products.  Introductions seek to persuade, outline, and convince the reader that the subject matter is important.

There are many other single oriented blogs out there in the internet stratosphere.  So, the question I am seeking to answer in my introduction: why should this blog matter?
There are three main parts to my motives in creating this blog.

1. Singleness as Sacred.

This blog has been born out of a desire to name, create, and establish a sacred space for single women in the church universal to speak together and speak to their communities.  It seems all to frequent that the liminality a single person possesses is uncomfortable for fellow parishioners and worshipers who are non-single.  At times, it is even uncomfortable for the person in possession of the singleness.  Single persons may not be shunned or labeled as leprous, but we definitely have felt as though our relationship status (or, lack there of) is something that needs to be cured. 

Even when we are not being cured by well-meaning attempts of our pew buddies, there are still many assumptions about person and worth around the church's single entities without giving them the space to let them have a voice.  My intention then is to carve out space for single women to speak and to name it as sacred.

2. Needing a Complexity of Voice.

Singleness is complex.  Typically when a person thinks of a single woman, the first image that comes to mind is that of a young, 20-something year old white girl.  While those persons can be single, they are not THE definition of singleness within the church.  The definition of singleness must encapsulate factors of race, ethnicity, sexuality, and age.  Single persons of the church include widows, divorcees, and single mothers.  The single club includes asexuals, lesbians, bi-sexuals, and transgender persons.  Singleness includes everyone on the spectrum of economics, political stances, and upbringings.

Some of these persons across identity markers struggle with and care about the same things.  Some of them disagree. However, we will never know and never grow as the Body of Christ if their stories are not shared or listened to.  What single blogs need is more intersectionality and willingness to live within the tension of differences.

Along with complexity of voice, there needs a complexity of topics. Most female blogs focus their encouragement on holding out till marriage or finding worth as a woman in marriage and motherhood (both of which are beautiful).  As interesting as these topics are, single women are concerned and passionate about many other things as well.  So within this space single women get a voice but it serves as an invitation to listen and be challenged.  I myself hope to be challenged.  In this, my hope is to have a majority of the blogs being written by someone who is actually not me.  I cannot speak to or for any other woman, and so I will be looking for other women to want to contribute their voice in this project.

3. Lack of Theological Undergirding.

As a reformed theologian who cares deeply about scriptural integrity and theological understanding, many of the single blogs I have read infuriate me.  Not because I have a disagreement of opinion. In fact, I hope women with whom I disagree will contribute to this blog.  The conversation will not be complete until it happens.  What infuriates me is that their use of scripture is unchecked and they do not seem to understand the theological implications of their interpretations.  Along with that, they rarely are intellectually stimulating.  I am not saying blogs have to be some great scholarly paper filled with high handed language. A blog of that nature would be counterproductive to cultivating a community. 

What I am saying is there is a great need for more single women blogs to treat their readers as sensitive and intelligent persons.  To treat the readers as faith-filled and doubtful. As thinkers, feelers, and doers. AND, that holds itself accountable to its theological responsibility as it dives into and unfolds scripture with integrity.


There are other hopes and motives to this blog, but these are the main three that I will seek to guide this blog.  I expect to fail, but in those failures I hope God's grace will meet me through my fellow single sisters as they encourage and challenge me to be better in running this blog.  If anyone has a story or experience they would like to share on here, I would be eager to hear about it.
I look forward to where this journey will lead.


To The King! To the Restoration!
Dixie, editor-in-chief